For much of my life I have made rules for myself about all sorts of things: art and writing, food and fitness, saving and spending. You name it.
And as long as the rule is working, I'm a new person. Life is good. Everything is going to be great. And then I break the rule and it's all over. I've failed. Why can't I ever do anything?
Someone once referred to this as 'catastrophising', which is a word I've been trying to get into a sentence ever since.
I'm slowly learning to be more forgiving of myself. And to just start again the next day without guilt or self-flagellation. That's why I so love Danny Gregory's latest post. I could relate to it - the thing about the gym and about the sketchbook stuff too. Commitment doesn't have to be about rules.
We went away last weekend. I brought my sketchbook and told myself I would only sketch if I felt like it. No rules. And as it happened, I did feel like it. On one of the days I spent a lovely afternoon lying in a hammock, balancing my sketchbook and watercolour kit on my lap, while Kim and Miss P went fishing and JJ had her afternoon nap.
What's the opposite of 'catastrophe'? It was the opposite.
My new rule: no catastrophising ;)